Life

Life has evolved into something much different than it was even two years ago. This last year has been very challenging between dealing with vision loss and nearly dying at the end of March. It's a long story and maybe I'll share a bit of it as I go along here. 

My main thoughts, in the last year, have dealt with how to find purpose in life. I lost my job almost a year and a half ago and the practical effects of dealing with vision loss keep me from getting to places I want to go. I deal but it's tough when life has been filled with work, volunteering, family and it all fades away. 

My life revolves around loss. It always has, looking back, but it's different now. It's more profound.

I spend my time learning about the gods that tap me on the shoulder or whisper in my ear. I clean my home to the best of my abilities. I talk to people on the Internet. It doesn't feel like a good enough reason to exist in comparison to what others do so I've mostly sworn off comparing myself to others. That's a zero sum game anyways. 

I'm dealing with a uterine cancer scare and I lost six or seven weeks of the summer to an incredible malaise and fever. Given the testing that's been done, and not, I think I survived an encounter with a sneaky virus...perhaps West Nile. It was found in my community a couple months after I became ill. I was tested for Lyme and other things but I strongly suspect that I encountered a deadly mosquito just before Father's Day. 

I feel good now. Energy level is great. Never underestimate the power of the body to heal itself. I've also become more interested in the uses of and effects of herbs as I've spent many hours researching a good dozen of them. I've started taking five in the last month. There are many things doctors either don't know or don't have time to tell patients about including their biases. 

I've encountered several doctors this year who are near blatant about their fat phobias. I need surgery but won't be getting it from two of the fine members of the medical community due to my weight. Substandard treatment options are the passing norm for fat patients. I've been so tired this summer due to illness that I sort of gave up or just accepted the status quo in regards to finding better doctors. I, however, am looking now. My backup plan for now, having failed a medication that drove me nearly insane, is to continue to lose weight. I'm down about 20 pounds.

I hear the summer is over but it's not. My life, and the turn of the seasons, is not dictated by marketing. It's too bad that it does drive most people. There was a year that I didn't really go into stores, perhaps 2006, and I didn't say goodbye to summer until October because the weather was so nice. 

This blog will have rambles about things that are important to me. I have another blog I neglect that is more health care oriented. 

Sherry